My latest post for API Speaks, this one’s for all the wonderful dads!
I’ve been thinking recently about how important Attachment Parenting is to fathers.
Many men seem to feel helpless and left out when it comes to the whole process of pregnancy, birth and those early weeks with a new baby. Mother and baby are like a little closed group with eyes only for each other. Everyone pampers a new mother, but little is done for the new father. He can feel overwhelmed by his new responsibilities and this tiny new person that has just entered his life! Some men can feel pushed aside as they watch the new relationship blossom between mother and baby.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
There seems to be a common perception that dads won’t bond with their babies unless they can feed them. This perception can put pressure on breastfeeding mums to introduce a bottle of formula or expressed breastmilk from the start, after all no mother wants to feel that she is hurting the relationship between her baby and his dad.
But, again, it doesn’t have to be this way.
I really feel that Attachment Parenting and the sentiments which surround it are a huge help to men during this new period of their lives. Mr. Halfpintpixie has always had a great relationship with littlepixie and we credit a lot of that to our parenting “style”. I really feel that cosleeping provides one of the best opportunities for a new family to bond and get used to being in each other lives. It’s the perfect way to finish a day and the perfect way to start the next!
As a very young baby, littlepixie would only sleep in our arms. For the first few weeks, I had a very hard time with breastfeeding and was in a lot of pain especially at night, so every night littlepixie would sleep snuggled in her daddy’s arms, coming over to me for feeds when she woke and then back over to him afterwards.
These weeks helped Mr. HPP to attune to her needs and helped littlepixie realise that along with mammy there was another person who would always be there for her, her daddy. It was a very intense few weeks and none of us got very much sleep, but we got a lot more sleep than we would have had we insisted on using the moses basket!
We’re still cosleeping and breastfeeding, and Mr. HPP gets a lot more sleep now! Myself and littlepixie have gotten much better at feeding while half asleep so when she wakes in the night, she just has to mooch over, latch on and go back to sleep. She’ll often roll over to me for a quick feed then roll off back over to sleep beside Mr. HPP again.
Some mornings I’ll wake, stretch out, realise I’ve just stretched in a big empty space, and then look over to see the two of them fast asleep snuggled together. It’s the sweetest thing in the world!
Have a read of API’s Nighttime Parenting article for more information on cosleeping and some important safety information.
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My little Monkey does the same exact thing with his dad in the night–he rolls over to me, nurses, and then rolls right back over to snuggle up with Daddy. So nice!
Besides that, very thoughtful post on the benefits of AP on dads. I’ve been reading a lot about dads lately (it’s June, so go figure), and some people are mentioning a trend on AP boards and such for women to be all “no way, my husband can’t do anything as well as I can, so I have to be the Parent with the capital P.” I honestly am not all that sure I’ve seen that attitude online, and I definitely haven’t ever thought of AP as being bad for my husband. Co-sleeping has been a big part of it, but I’ll be the first to admit that Mr. Lissnkids is way better than me at most things AP, especially gentle discipline.
my monkey did the same – snuggling with the warm daddy at night was comforting to her – and then turning to me when she needed a feed. Now at age 4 1/2 she still crawls into bed with us in the wee hours to spend an hour snuggling in our bed (next to Daddy) and then when the sun comes up she’s waking me asking for a bowl of cereal and toast. Some things never change but it’s not so bad.
well attached to her dad – she’s a happy girl knowing that she can come to either of us for security and attention.
Elissa & Kelly, we must remember to let them sleep in on Sunday as a Father’s Day present to show how great they are
Or would it be better for us to sleep in and give them the gift of quality early morning one-on-one time with their children?
