They say “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, well this weekend I took the first step on the long journey towards weaning Littlepixie. We are no longer feeding in public. By public I mean in restaurants and, you know, public places. We will still feed on bus journeys or train trips if she needs booboos. We will still feed at the mother & toddler group (if we ever get back to it). We will still feed at friends’ houses. Just not in public. I didn’t say it was a very big step, but it is a step nonetheless.
I had one of those dawning realisation moments when we were in Wagamamas on Friday evening. Wagamama, for those of you who haven’t been there, is a bright, bustling, shared tables, banging elbows with the person beside you, overhearing everyone else’s conversations sort of place. And LP climbed up on my knee and asked for booboos during dinner, so I fobbed her off with a drink of my water and she was happy. Because, I realised, there are places that I am now uncomfortable feeding her, I know that is a shocking thought because I usually don’t care, but there are, and Wagamama is one of them.
And that’s ok, I mean she’s almost 2 now, she understands that sometimes she has to wait for things and now booboos will be one of those things she has to wait for in certain circumstances. Obviously if she is upset then I will feed her, I’m not that mean 
Although, I did feed her in the veggie cafe the next day, I mean, if you’re eating a vegan lentil dish with lots of salad and fruit juice then you’re almost obliged to be nursing a toddler aren’t you?! We got a good laugh out of this while I was nursing her as the recent big “grassroots” thing in Ireland is to make people aware that it’s not just lentil-munching hippies who breastfeed, that you can be a power-suit-wearing hot babe mama too, that attitude wrecks my head, but that’s a whole different post for a whole different day (I’ll keep it till NaBloPoMo!).
Anyhoo, I’m not trying to justify my decision, well I am, but to myself really. Mr. HPP will agree with me when I say that I am my own harshest critic!
But I am happy with my little step, I’m happy to think that we are on the path towards weaning. LP is so big and strong now, it is taking a fair bit out of me feeding her so much. I’m finding that I have to eat past my natural appetite to keep my energy up all the time, and I don’t like doing that to my poor self! I’m feeling a little drained, I don’t know how much of that is psychological, myself & Mr. HPP were chatting last night about it, and we were amazed to think that I’ve been helping LP grow big & strong since January 2006 when I got pregnant, that’s a very, very long time!
The plan is gradual, I’m aiming for a weaned LP by her third birthday, so that’s a 12.5 month weaning timeframe, which I think is gentle! I know her weaning timeframe is longer than most babies get mama milk for at all, so that makes me feel less bad. I had thought I was committed to child-led weaning, but I’m not, I’m too tired! But you know, this time next year, if she still needs milkies (even if it’s *gasp* just for comfort) I’ll still happily feed her. It’s just my hope that by gradually changing the boundaries of our feeding relationship, that weaning will be pleasant and enjoyable for all of us.
Some ideas I am playing with include, over time, only nursing in bed during the day, hopefully that will stop some of the snacking LP is so fond of, it’ll take more effort to get a feed so she might wait till she’s really wants one! Using that technique we will work towards bringing feeds down to just night and first thing in the morning.
And then next Summer phasing out the night feeds by putting the booboos to bed when the sun is asleep. This should be easier in Summer as the sun only sleeps between 23:00 and 04:00, so it shouldn’t be too hard (fingers crossed). If we did it in Winter then LP would never have booboos, soon the sun will be going to bed at 16:00 and not getting up till about 10:00, brrr….
And maybe a little of Dr. Jay Gordon’s night-weaning for cosleeping toddlers advice will be used too!
And then maybe a weaning party? Depends on how she is then I guess, I have no idea how this will all go, she loves the booboos!
And then, hopefully, we can start the whole process again with a new baby brother or sister for her! But before that I’ll need a few months off
So any of you other mamas who’ve gradually cut back on nursing or weaned an older child, any tips? Any books you’d recommend? Any cyber hugs you’d like to give this confused mama who sorta doesn’t want to wean, but sorta does want to at the same time!
And remember if anyone says “Happy mammy=happy baby” I’ll ban you from the comments section, I will 
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I just recently weanedthe Imp. I expected it to be harder, but it kinda just happened. At one point, we limited feeds to before bedtime, and then just in the evening one, and then i started introducing a drink along with milkies and eventually now just a drink.
Hey ya,
I was not planning on weaning Ara until she was 3 but it just happened that I had a really bad belt of thrush and I had no help from anywhere to fix the problem…so after 4 months of bleeding I had to stop.
Now after meeting my wonderful midwife who is now trying to encourage me to give Ara some milk as Ara is still asking for it in times that she is unsure. I am in a delema too as I feel that I’ve lost a little between Ara and myself that last little bit of comuincation which I can see developing as she gets older and can use more words but up till now its been the milk which has kept us even.
I think I’ll hold out though till the next bubba.
Little steps and take it slow…its the understanding built between you both which will make it.
Big hugs
m
I remember reading in someone’s blog about a weaning party that they did with their little girl, think she was 3ish. It made me laugh as they had a cake in the shape of – you guessed it – boobies!
Oh my! What a timely topic for me. This may be a novel…big breath…
I wanted M to self-wean, too. I’d read about women starting to feel uncomfortable nursing as their child got older. I simply didn’t understand what they were talking about. I mean, I’d endured all sorts of pain (bruised nipples thank you, Super Sucker
for nearly six weeks straight as I started nursing, so how could it possibly feel weird/painful enough to get me to stop nursing before DS was ready?
Upon our return from lengthy holiday, DS began drive-by nursing all. day. long. And, it began to hurt. At the same time, I began to lose patience with all the pinching and kneading of my breast, not to mention his acrobatics while still latched on.
Then, the unimaginable happened – one night, out of no where, he slept for 10 hours straight. Not so much as a peep out of him. Never in his life has we experienced such a night, as even now at nearly 2 yrs, he would wake 2-3 times/night. The next day was pure bliss for both of us. For the first time in an embarrassingly long time, I adored my child. We had to get uninterrupted sleep!
That night, as we nursed to sleep I told him that the moon was out and the sun was sleeping. Once he went to sleep, too, there’d be no more milk until the sun woke up and the moon went to sleep.
We had tried Dr. Gordon’s methods in the past (thanks to you, again HPP for the wonderful book _Good Nights_), but it had always been a disaster. After 4 hours of pure hell the first night, I always gave in. Clearly, DS had not been ready to night wean.
Our first night was ugly. Not 4 hours ugly, but a mere 2 ½ hours of trauma. Oddly, this gave me hope. The next night, as he was nursing to sleep, DS joined me in a dialogue about what was happening.
Mama: “The moon is waking up.”
DS: “Sun sleep.”
Mama: “Yes. And when will there be Mama’s milk again?”
DS: “Sun wake up.”
And so on. That night, he woke up twice. Once, he was back to sleep w/in 15 minutes. The second time, within 45 minutes. The next morning at 6:30am when he woke, asking for milk, I suggested we go see if the sun was awake. Dhoh! It wasn’t. Of course, DS did not let that stop him. And, I did not refuse.
We’ve had two more, increasingly successful nights (shorter and shorter waking periods). Today I bought a timer to put on his electronic aquarium. In addition to talking about what the moon and sun are doing, we’ll let the swimming fishes dictate when milk will stop and start (fishies swimming – milk. Fishies sleeping – no milk.).
DS has never been soothed by anything other than Mama’s milk. No rocking. No cuddling. No pats. Car rides, etc. So, the best I could do for him this time around was sing.
DH put Molly Bang’s book “Ten, Nine, Eight” to music nearly a year ago. So each time he wakes, I start singing it. First, loudly enough so he can hear it above his cries (which, still break my heart), then progressively softer and slower until after about the 5th or 6th time through, I’m humming it. Once he’s totally settled and I’m sure he’s back to sleep I stop.
M had been in his own bedroom prior to our trip. Upon our return, he wanted to be back in the air mattress next to our bed. I didn’t hesitate. Now I’m sure it’s the key to our progress. He is sleeping very restlessly, rolling all over the bed. Sometimes even over me. But, almost always right up next to me. In our 18 months of co-sleeping, he never snuggled. But now that there’s no milk at night, he wants to be near me. I’m so grateful!!
We’ve been cutting back on day time nursing, but only because we’ve been on the go all the time and he stopped nursing in public about two months ago when we commissioned the “nursing spot”. It was a big arm chair in his room. Now that he’s not using his bedroom, we’ve returned to the window seat in my bedroom. During the day, I always try distractions first when he asks for milk (usually offering food, water or juice first). But, if he’s persistent, we go to the “nursing spot”.
I’m in no hurry to wean him entirely, but it became very clear to me after that 10 hour sleep that we had to make a change at night. Our relationship has completely changed for the better since we’ve started working together to assure both of us a good night’s sleep!
This article really helped me:
http://www.naturallifemagazine.com/0810/weaning.htm
Oh all the best HPP. I seriously contemplated starting to wean a few weeks ago when Lily was teething and started to chomp on my nipples constantly. I was in such pain and I found myself really resenting it and feeling frustrated with her. That phase has passed, but it has left me with some questions about the future.
I believe that the nursing session should go on till both sides are happy with it.So I respect your decision and I’m sure you will do this soo gently.Wishing you luck in this phase!
As Cristy says,when D. feeds all night long,I also consider night weaning but then I think we still are not ready yet.
And who knows,some children wean themselves around 2.5 years old,maybe LP will be one of them.
By the way,I also started to feel a bit self conscious while BF in toddler groups.Not in public yet but in toddler groups! D. generally nurses towards the end as she gets a bit hungry and tired. As far as I know, there’s no one else BFing an almost 2 year old in the toddler groups we go to.A few of the moms show sympathy and although nobody has said a nasty thing,I feel that.
@ thanks girls, I feel sad about my decision today, but I’m taking it really slow, I mean we won’t be out anywhere today so the new “no feeding in public” doesn’t even apply today, and I’m giving us a year to ramp down so it’s not that bad… boo hoo.. LP has been nursing all morning, just to make me feel bad
aww Pixie,just came across this article which got me teary-eyed.
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJanFeb04p4.html
Thank you for that article, Isil. Really beautiful.
I recently started doing this too, asking the babe to wait while we were out somewhere public, but never even considered it as a step towards weaning! I figure both our desires are valid, and sometimes one side’s argument has more weight than the other so that’s the way we go. He’s old enough to understand that a bit now, and I can tell when he really _needs_ to nurse.
At this point I am not looking forward to weaning, not eager to be done or planning it out — also not planning to have another baby, so that probably affects my perspective. He’s recently started replacing some nursing time with just wanting to hold onto my breasts, like they’re a security blanket. I sometimes wonder if this is the beginning of the end for us.
Big hugs to you!
@ Isil, that’s a wonderful article, thank you so much.
@ Heather, thanks and big hugs back to you too! I have also noticed LP just wanting to check that “her” milkies are still there but not wanting to feed, it’s sweet.
Just after my DD’s second Bday (which was only 2 weeks ago,lol) I decided to limit nursings. Only because I was beginning to not enjoy it and it felt more of a hinderance to me at times. Not all the time, just at certain times, like say for the 3rd time in the middle of the night! So I getnly night weaned her (Dr.Jay Gordon’s Method works great, FYI) and i was so surprised at how easily she understood our new ‘terms’! It came as such a releif! So now I’d say 90% of our nursing sessions take place on the couch. I started that so I could totally relax and enjoy the few times a day (sometimes only once a day!) that it happens as I know these BF days won’t last forever. I am so glad I found a spot (emotionally) where I felt comfortable with our BF relationship because I was very dedicated to child led weaning adn was beginning to feel it wasnt in the cards.
Anyways just wanted to give you a boost of confidence. There comes a time when you might feel you need to limit things in order to be able to enjoy them more IYKWIM??? As these moments are precious!
Jenn
ps let me know next time you’re in dublin!
@ Thanks Jenn and I will defo be in touch next time we’re heading eastwards.
Yay! not only will we obviously get along like a house on fire, but I tink our DD’s will have loads of fun too!
I agree with baby steps! Svara is 18 1/2 months and I’ve started by not nursing in the car anymore. She can nurse when we stop somewhere, but not on the car (though she was really upset the other day and I let her). Baby steps! that’s the only step I’ll take for awhile. And it won’t apply on LONG car trips of course.
[...] I suppose today has helped me in my thinkings of weaning (be it ever so longterm), I don’t feel so bad about it, but now I feel emotional, and my [...]
@ QueenHoneyB, indeed baby steps are the way to go, good luck to you and Svara on your baby-step-sized adventure!